new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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