I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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