oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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