My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
