i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
