I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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