he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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