I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
