someone get that fucking seahorse.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
