there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
