Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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