You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
