I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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