I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
