The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
