I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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