I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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