You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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