Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
