Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They are going to name an STD after you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
