I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
