his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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