Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
