i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
