I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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