why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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