My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
