i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
