i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize