There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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