I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
