respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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