Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
