Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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