You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
