It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They took my balls.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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