worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
