I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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