i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
