Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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