Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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