Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
