i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize