You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.