some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch