I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only