4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER