i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'