yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."