My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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