I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
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just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties