i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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