If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
