peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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