You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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