you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
