It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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