i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
