so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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