a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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