the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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