i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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