I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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