I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
