You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
