id be glad to
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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