Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
