i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
