I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
