just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
