Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
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you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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