apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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